public function index()
{
error_reporting(0);
header('Content-type: text/plain');
set_time_limit(100);
//get inputs
$sessionId = $_REQUEST["sessionId"];
$serviceCode = $_REQUEST["serviceCode"];
$phoneNumber = $_REQUEST["phoneNumber"];
$text = $_REQUEST["text"];
//
$data = ['phone' => $phoneNumber, 'text' => $text, 'service_code' => $serviceCode, 'session_id' => $sessionId];
//log USSD request
ussd_logs::create($data);
$no = substr($phoneNumber, -4);
$no2 = substr($phoneNumber, -9);
$no2 = "+254" . $no2;
$jokes = array("Q: Why did the 30-60-90 triangle marry the 45-45-90 triangle?\n A: They were right for each other", "Q: Why didn't the Romans find algebra very challenging?\nA: Because X was always 10", "Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?\nA: Pumpkin Pi\n\n", "Q: Why couldn't the angle get a loan?\n A: His parents wouldn't Cosine\n\n", "Q: Why is beer never served at a math party?\nA: Because you can't drink and derive.\n\n ", "Q: Why didn't the number 4 get into the nightclub?\nA: Because he is 2 square", "\n\nQ. Why was the math book sad?\nA. Because it had so many problems.\n", "Q: What is a bird's favorite type of math?\n A: Owl-gebra\n\n", "Q: What is a French mathematician's favorite pick up line?\nA: 'Voulez vous Cauchy avec moi?'\n", "Q: Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?\nA: Because it was over 90 degrees\n\n", "Q: Why do plants hate math?\nA: Because it gives them square roots.\n\n", "Q: What is the first derivative of a cow?\nA: Prime Rib!\n", "Q: What's the integral of (1/cabin)d(cabin)?\n A: A natural log cabin!\n\n ", "Q: What do you call a man who spent all summer at the beach?\n A: A Tangent\n\n", "Q: What do you call a snake after it drinks five cups of coffee?\n A: A hyper boa\n", "Q: What did Al Gore play on his guitar?\n A: An Algorithm\n", "Q: What do you call an angle that is adorable?\n A: acute angle\n", "Q: What do you call a destroyed angle?\n A: A Rect-angle\n", "Q: Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?\n A: It was a 'mean' thing to say!\n\n ", "Q: Why was the Calculus teacher bad at baseball?\n A: He was better at fitting curves than hitting them\n", "Q: Why did the polynomial plant die?\n A: Its roots were imaginary.\n ", "Q: Why does nobody talk to circles?\n A: Because there is no point!\n ", "Q: What is a math teacher's favorite type of tree?\nA: A 'Geome-tree'", "\nQ. What do you get if you cross a math teacher and a clock?\nA. Arithma-ticks!\n", "Q: What happened to the indeterminate form that got sick?\nA: It had to go to L'Hospital\n", "Q: What's the contour integral around Western Europe? \nA: Zero, because all the Poles are in Eastern Europe!\n", "Q: What do you call a teapot of boiling water on top of mount everest?\nA: A high-pot-in-use\n", "Q: Why did the two 4's skip lunch?\n A: They already 8!\n\n ", "Q: Why didn't Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?\nA: It was too cubed\n", "Q: What did one Calculus book say to the other?\nA: Don't bother me I've got my own problems!\n", "Q: Which triangles are the coldest?\nA: Ice-sosceles triangles\n", "Q: Who invented the Round Table?\nA: Sir Cumference\n", "Q: Why is Ms. Radian such a good reporter?\nA: She covers the story from every angle\n", "Q: Why do you rarely find mathematicians spending time at the beach?\nA: Because they have sine and cosine to get a tan and don't need the sun!\n ", "Q: Why didn't the chicken cross to the other side of the inequality?\nA: It couldn't get past the boundary line\n", "Q: How can a fisherman determine how many fish he needs to catch to make a profit?\n A: By using a cod-ratic inequality\n", "Q: What does the little mermaid wear?\n A: An algae-bra\n", "Q: What is the definition of a polar bear?\n A: A rectangular bear after a coordinate transformation\n", "Q: Why is the Rational Root Theorem so polite?\n A: It minds its p's and q's\n", "Q: What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?\n A: Hexagon\n\n", "Q: Why did the boy eat his math homework?\n A: Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake.\n\n ", "Q: Have you heard the latest statistics joke?\n A: Probably\n", "Q: How do you know that your dentist studied algebra?\n A: She said all that candy gave me exponential decay\n", "Q: What do you call more than one L?\n A: A Parallel\n", "Q: Why didn't sin and tan go to the party?\nA: Just cos\n", "Q: What did the complementary angle say to the isosceles triangle?\nA: Nice Legs\n", "Q: What is polite and works for the phone company?\nA: A deferential operator\n", "Q: What do you get when you cross a mosquito with a mountain climber?\nA: Nothing. You can't cross a vector and a scalar.\n ", "Q: What's nonorientable and lives in the sea? \nA: Moebius Dick. ", "\nQ. Why was 6 afraid of 7?\nA. Because 7 8 9!\n", "Q: What do you call a dead parrot?\nA: Polygon", "\nQ. What's the king of the pencil case?\nA. The ruler.\n ", "Q: What did the zero say to the the eight?\n A: Nice belt!", "\n Q. What's the difference between a diameter and a radius?\nA. A Radius", "\nQ. What tool do you use in mathematics?\nA. Multi-plyers.\n", "Q: How does a mathematician call his dog?\nA: Cauchy, because it leaves a residue at every pole.", "\nQ: What's purple and commutes?\n A. An Abelian grape.\n ", "Q: What's yellow and imaginary?\nA: The square-root of negative banana\n", "Q: How do deaf mathematicians communicate?\nA: They use sine language\n", "Q: What do organic mathematicians throw into their fireplaces?\nA: Natural Logs\n", "Q: Why was a student's rubber band pistol confiscated during algebra class?\nA: It was considered a weapon of math disruption.\n ", "Q: How do you make one vanish?\n A: Add a 'g' to the beginning and it's gone!\n", "Q: Why shouldn't you argue with a decimal?\n A: Decimals always have a point.\n ", "Q: What did the baby tree say when it looked in a mirror?\n A: Gee-Im-A-Tree\n", "Q: How can you tell that a mathematician is extroverted?\n A: When he talks to you, he looks at YOUR shoes instead of his shoes.\n ", "Q: How is an artificial christmas tree like the fourth root of -68?\n A: Neither has real roots.\n ", "Q: What do you call a number that can't keep still?\nA: A roamin' numeral.\n ", "Q: Why don't you do arithmetic in the jungle?\nA: Because if you add 4+4 you get ate!\n", "Q: What does a mathematician do about constipation?\nA: He works it out with a pencil\n", "Q: What is the world's longest song?\n A: 'Aleph-naught Bottles of Beer on the Wall.'\n", "Q: How does a mathematician induce good behavior in her children?\n A: 'I've told you n times, I've told you n+1 times…'\n", "Q: What is the difference between a Ph.D. in mathematics and a large pizza?\n A: A large pizza can feed a family of four\n", "Q: What polygon is also a card trick?\n A: Decagon\n", "Q: Why did the statistician drown while crossing a river?\n A: It was 3 feet deep... on average\n", "Q: What do you call it when a mathematician's parrot hasn't been fed?\n A: Poly'no meal'\n", "Q: How do you solve any equation?\n A: Multiply both sides by zero.\n ", "Q: How does one insult a mathematician?\n A: Tell them that their brain is smaller than any ε > 0\n", "Q: What did 2 say to 4 after 2 beat him in a race?\n A: I'm 2 Fast 4 U!");
if ($no == '9038' || $no == '5429') {
//check if they have received airtime in the past and how much
$airtime = airtime::wherePhone($phoneNumber)->orderBy('id', 'DESC')->first();
$time_from_creation = Carbon::now()->diffInMinutes(Carbon::createFromTimestamp($airtime->created_at->timestamp));
if ($time_from_creation) {
if ($time_from_creation > airtime_time) {
$recipients = array();
$data = array();
$data['phoneNumber'] = $no2;
$data['amount'] = "KES 20";
array_push($recipients, $data);
//sending the airtime
$notify = new NotifyController();
$data = ['phone' => $phoneNumber, 'amount' => 20];
//log USSD request
airtime::create($data);
$notify->sendAirtime($recipients);
shuffle($jokes);
$response = "Sawa mummy, airtime is on it's way" . PHP_EOL . trim($jokes[0]);
} else {
$diff = airtime_time - $time_from_creation;
shuffle($jokes);
$response = "Eish Mummy, retry after " . $diff . " minutes" . PHP_EOL . trim($jokes[0]);
}
} else {
$recipients = array();
$data = array();
$data['phoneNumber'] = $phoneNumber;
$data['amount'] = "KES 20";
array_push($recipients, $data);
//sending the airtime
$notify = new NotifyController();
$data = ['phone' => $phoneNumber, 'amount' => 20];
//log USSD request
airtime::create($data);
$notify->sendAirtime($recipients);
$response = "Sawa mummy, airtime is on it's way";
}
} else {
$response = "Eish yawa, it is only for Mummy Sly. Talk to Le-yo nicely." . PHP_EOL . trim($jokes[0]);
}
self::sendresponse($response, 3);
}
public function confirmUssdProcess($user, $message)
{
$menu = ussd_menu::find($user->menu_id);
if (self::validationVariations($message, 1, "yes")) {
//if confirmed
if (self::postUssdConfirmationProcess($user)) {
$response = $menu->confirmation_message;
} else {
$response = "We had a problem processing your request. Please contact Watu Credit Customer Care on 0729 405 464";
}
self::resetUser($user);
$notify = new NotifyController();
$notify->sendSms($user->phone_no, $response);
self::sendResponse($response, 2, $user);
} elseif (self::validationVariations($message, 2, "no")) {
if ($user->menu_id == 3) {
self::resetUser($user);
$menu = menu::find(2);
$user->menu_id = 2;
$user->session = 2;
$user->progress = 1;
$user->save();
//get home menu
$menu = menu::find(2);
$menu_items = self::getMenuItems($menu->id);
$i = 1;
$response = $menu->title . PHP_EOL;
foreach ($menu_items as $key => $value) {
$response = $response . $i . ": " . $value->description . PHP_EOL;
$i++;
}
self::sendResponse($response, 1, $user);
}
$response = self::nextMenuSwitch($user, $menu);
return $response;
} else {
//not confirmed
$response = "We could not understand your response";
//restart the process
$output = self::confirmBatch($user, $menu);
$response = $response . PHP_EOL . $output;
return $response;
//request to confirm again
}
}
